What if I....

Everyone of those actions have the same response.

I would kill you.

Drew a dickbutt on your forehead in permanent marker?

/punch you till you bleed from your eyes ,and i can remove it with alcohol wipes


Ate your favorite food in front of you?

/i dont give a shit

Poked you?

/ignore you

Fed you to a crab?

/what

Put spider legs in your shampoo?

/cool

Stole your dog food... then ate it off your foot?

/i have a cat......../wtf

Played an epic piano solo?

/enjoy it and tell you that it was awesome

Shot you?

/goodbye world

Hugged you?

/ok

Threw up in your shoes and walked off?

/ew

Impersonated Obama?
...
Impersonated Putin?
....
Impersonated a dog?
...
Summoned ghosts in your bathtub?

/i dont have a bathtub i take showers

Seanced your dead aunt?

/what

Burned your personal library?

/i dont read

Started a rave-party in your bedroom closet?

/smoke weed next room

Started a mosh pit in your living room?

/get rid of you with a fire extinguisher

Stalked you for two years, then proposed?

/no im in love with someone else..

Threatened to eat you with chopsticks?

/crazy fuck

Pretended your name was Han Solo for six months?
...
Turned you into a rug?

/fly

Cut up onions right under your nose?

/take it from you and rub it on your eyes ...burn bitch

Followed you into the shower, and washed your hair with coconut shampoo?

/ok im done

Posted a superlong list of weird questions?
welcome clown