I love these recaps and considering this spot has been kinda dead as of late, I thought I'd do this. Click on the link or you're not going to know what the heck this is about.

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Faker Than a Sophomore English Lit Professor Noticing When One of His 400 Students Is Late
• Serena, to Colin: “Are you seriously still hitting on me while holding your date’s shoes?” Minus 2. We are supposed to believe this is something she would mind? (And why did the girl get in the cab and drive away without her shoes? The floors of cabs are the only thing more disease infested than Sere- oh, never mind.)
• The King Cole Bar is about the only place left in the city that makes a red snapper, according to Joan’s rapey husband. We’d give points for accuracy, but no way in hell a handsome man would look at a girl like Serena and think, “What that girl needs is a good early evening at the St. Regis.” Minus 1.
• Serena remembers that an Asian person wrote “The Art of War”? Aw, that’s a sweet idea. Minus 2.
• “Yeah, yeah, I missed you too,” Nate tells Dan after Dan thanks him for his forgiveness. And even though the eyes say, “Do me,” the mouth said, “No hugs.” Minus 2.
• If Juliet and Jail Guy Who Is Definitely Someone’s Bitch With Those Cheekbones really have been stalking Serena for so long, they would know that taking “Columbia” from her would really, really not be “leaving her with nothing.” In the universe in which she exists (in which all celestial bodies gravitate around two giant orbs), any Ivy League school will accept her with open arms. And laps. Minus 10.
• Vanessa simply puts a picture of herself and Dan over a picture of Dan and Serena. Come on, lady. You live with a dude. You know what he uses his socks for after he’s worn them. Get rid of the pictures entirely! Minus 2.
• When Gossip Girl sends out the blast about Serena having an STD, Juliet emerges from behind a tree looking like the Crypt Keeper. Minus 1, because isn’t she still trying to date Nate? We know they’re not having sex, so it’s pretty inexplicable that she hasn’t slept in four days.
• We're sorry to get all parents association here, but how is it that no one mentions condoms. Like Juliet could have gone, "Did you use a condom?" Or Nate could have said, "We were going to use a condom, but it was too small for me." Instead it's like condoms don’t exist and everyone just assumes that everyone in college is barebacking it with everybody else. Which, well. Minus only 2.
• And meanwhile, you can’t introduce an obvious plotline that has never come up before on-camera as though no one has ever thought of it. Chuck sleeps with prostitutes all the time. Nate spent the summer doing so. Not to mention the fact that every single young person on this show has slept with every single other person. (Except Eric, and Lord knows what the gay kids these days are doing in the age of Grindr.) And only now are these people discovering STDS? Come on. Minus 10.
• That said, across the board the lack of curiosity about what kind of STD exactly Serena had is deeply puzzling. At Intel Jessica's college, people would have been Google-Imaging "anal herpes" and snorting onto their laptops all day long. Then again, Intel Jessica did not go to AN IVY, so Minus only 2. (Intel Chris did, however, and remembers there was once a quadwide panic about "Chlamydia of the Throat.")
• When Vanessa said, "She was sleeping in your bed and wearing your T-shirt," we really hoped she'd finish it by saying, "which is how I know you got the crabs."
• A professor wouldn’t use a non-student as a TA. There are university rules about such things. Minus 3. Also, look at his face: Chuck has transgressed to Full Pervert, and there are even stricter university rules about that.
• “A Bass Five Hurricane”? What? Minus 2.
• Lily and Eric took a road trip without Rufus? That’s like making a hemp necklace without Vanessa. You’d never get away with it. Minus 3.
•: Rufus exits his conversation with Dan right in the middle of it, as if he has anything better to do in the apartment. Or anything to do, at all. Minus 10.
• The whole point of office hours is that it is time when the professor is sitting in his office. For hours. Minus 5.
• Serena wouldn’t check her phone and tiny clutch in with the coat-check person. The whole point of tiny clutches is that you clutch them all night long! Minus only 2, because Intel Chris wrote this and is only guessing at what clutches are actually for.
• There’s no plausible explanation for how Chuck would have intercepted a setup that Blair arranged through Cyrus. Like, the writers didn’t even bother to try to invent one. So Chuck is magical now? Minus only 2, because Blair has definitely lost her powers. (We'd originally written that she'd become a Muggle, and then we realized that this must have been the lingering influence of Fleur! Blast!)
• Why on this show does everyone walk away from one another before anything is resolved or questioned? In real life, when there is a complicated twist (and if only real life was so entertaining!) usually people stick around to get to the bottom of it. Minus 20 for everyone walking away from Vanessa (while she still had Serena’s phone) without dealing with one actual element of the problem.
• As though the dean of students at Columbia would know not one, but two random sophomores by face and name. No matter how skanky. Minus 3.
• Blair gets her mojo back for a second when she points out that she rejected Chuck first, but then he threatens to tell people that he slept with Jenny. This makes her malfunction and do that thing where her lips show the entirety of the top row of her teeth. Except, duh, everyone knows, as Eric has been telling anyone who will listen. And Gossip Girl talked about it last season! Come on. Minus 10.
• Oh, Chuck. Tim Gunn left Parsons for Liz Claiborne years ago. Surely a boy with such impeccable eyeliner would know that, no? Minus 3.
• There is absolutely no way in the world anyone at that party would have believed Juliet over Vanessa, no matter how bad it looked. Juliet is a shady newcomer in business casual who reeks of TJ Maxx who just last week attempted to undermine Serena and Blair in front of everyone using Gossip Girl. With the exception of the Nate-Jenny letter interception of a few seasons ago, Vanessa is as honest and contains fewer bad-for-you secrets than a cup of unsweetened granola. There's no contest, this is a farce. Minus 20.

This one made me laugh as did the 'crypt keeper' one. That part was so dumb.. she just comes creepin from behind a tree.

LMAO, I love reading these every week.

"...And even though the eyes say, “Do me,” the mouth said, “No hugs.”

WIN.

Nate wants him.

I love these reality index sfm. They always make me laugh.

Haha!

I love reading the Reality Index every week!

Great pick Lucyfer!! I love the recaps too, its the first thing I read on tuesday mornings!!

I've never even heard of this, but I like it. :)

This one was a true moment for me. ;)

He really is quite pathetic.

love the reality index! this one definitely, the one about Nate and Dan is great though haha :)

SO TRUE and hilarious ;)

I've never heard of these articles but I LOVE them. There were so many things that made me laugh so much.

The "Vulture" article was awesome!! But to me it was:
#5 "If Juliet and Jail Guy Who Is Definitely Someone’s Bitch With Those Cheekbones really have been stalking Serena for so long, they would know that taking “Columbia” from her would really, really not be “leaving her with nothing.” In the universe in which she exists (in which all celestial bodies gravitate around two giant orbs), any Ivy League school will accept her with open arms. And laps"!!! Minus 10.
On the positive side I picked Serena too! So I guess I'll always pick something Serena even if it's negative to...LOL.....